I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.
I haven’t been touched like that in years. I haven’t felt this way ever. Please don’t make this something sleazy. I couldn’t bear it. Kieran never even looks at me anymore and I’m supposed to live like a Madonna while he cheats on me with a child.
No. It’s not fair. I deserved this, you said so yourself. I’m worth more than this – this life.
You meant that, didn’t you?
Yes, I did. But my job is to give you a safe place to heal. I can’t – I can’t be your therapist anymore.
Oh God, I did it again, didn’t I? I ruined the one good thing I had. I understand. I’ll – I won’t bother you anymore.
I went after him, ready to tell him everything. He loved me. He would forgive me and I would be a better wife. I would quit. I would never let Mikey touch me again.
I saw him flirting with some bartender and that’s when I knew. He didn’t love me. Perhaps he never had. I stood there watching them and tried to think of the last time Kieran told me he loved me.
Never. Not once.
But surely, I thought, when the boy was born. He must have said it then. But no, he’d said, “Thank you for our son, love.” That is not the same as saying I love you. My mind went further back, to our wedding, to when he proposed. He’d said the vows, “to love and to keep,” he’d said we could be happy, but never that he loved me.
All this time, I thought I was the weak link, that I was the problem. I can’t believe I got this so wrong.
The tears began to fall and Henry reached over to try and console her.
Warning: Dubious consensual sex. No nudity, though.
Five years ago: Continue reading